Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Assertiveness training

I have recently participated in the Assertiveness training . It's been the best soft skills training I have attended. Here're some useful tips:

Remark: This advice is relevant to Polish language and culture. In many others it could be seen as impolite or without any sense. ;-)

Assertive refusal has to have three parts:
  • The word No
  • Information on how you will behave
  • Short explanation
  • Expression of your being sorry
When you want to verify if your refusal was assertive answer one simple question:Do I feel good about it?

It is important not to excuse yourself to much. If not, it will be harder to stop repeated requests. There are some techniques that can be used if you are asked for something again and again:
  • Broken record - repeat still the same explanation
  • "I am elephant" technique - Say slowly, ask, paraphrase.
  • Jujitsu - If you are faced with the argument that a he/she has helped you in past, but now you are not willing to help him. Remember to thank him, but tell him that this time you cannot help.
  • authority - refer to the standards or authority
Assertive request Remember to:
  1. Think what will happen if you don't succeed.
  2. State your request in a short and logic way.
  3. End with a question about the actual decision (time or price).
A good assertive creates a platform for acceptance now or in the future.

Reaction for judging critique

You have two possibilities. You can say:
  • I agree. That's what I think.
  • I do not agree. I don't think about myself that way.
Don't get nervous! Don't persuade but state. Protest on unjust generalizations. When surprised, express it!

Feedback can be positive and negative. It has to contain 3 parts:

  • Fact - that has happened
  • Attitude - how do I feel about it
  • Expectation - what do I expect, how this person should behave.

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